There are two basic types of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable.
Grandiose Narcissists
Grandiose narcissists seek social status as a way to win admiration and respect.2 They can be adept leaders, as they want to display their abilities and impress others; but they can be confrontational or critical if they feel their authority is being limited or challenged.
Grandiose narcissists believe they deserve the respect they get and assume it’s because of their exceptional capabilities and contributions (real or imagined). They view themselves in a heroic light and fill the ranks of self-described leaders, gurus, and others who claim superior understanding and authority.
Grandiose narcissists expect people to offer praise, thanks, admiration, and other forms of recognition.
Vulnerable Narcissists
Vulnerable narcissists are more introverted. They often feel others have failed to recognize their importance, which leads to resentment and a sense of being shortchanged.3 They tend to avoid socially challenging or demanding situations because they’re not confident that people will respect them, and they’re less likely to pursue public roles where there’s a risk of exposure or embarrassment. They focus instead on personal relationships where there’s a safe chance they’ll receive the regard they crave.
Their resentment usually plays out in a passive-aggressive manner that relies on tactics like the silent treatment or withholding approval. They tend to avoid direct public confrontation, where they might be challenged or called out. Vulnerable narcissists typically view themselves as victims who’ve received less than their share of life’s gifts, such as love, friendship, prosperity, or respect.
They expect those close to them to compensate for what life has failed to deliver.
Summary
Grandiose and vulnerable narcissism are opposites in many ways:
| The Grandiose Hero | The Vulnerable Victim |
| Extroverted | Introverted |
| Leader | One of the crowd |
| Displays or claims success | Feels shortchanged |
| Feels they deserve the regard they receive | Feels they’re owed more regard than they’ve received |
| Seeks public respect | Seeks personal respect |
| May be openly hostile if someone’s blocking access to status or respect | Resents others who don’t show enough personal appreciation |
Both types are associated with entitlement: all narcissists have inflated expectations and may become hostile if these aren’t met.
Narcissists want, and expect, control over the things that fuel their sense of significance. This “fuel” is sometimes called narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply can include social and emotional resources like attention, respect, and admiration, as well as material goods such as money, property, and consumer items. The list of possibilities is endless and depends on the narcissist’s individual priorities.
Is Your Narcissist Grandiose or Vulnerable?
Here are some questions to help determine the kind of narcissist you’re dealing with. Keep in mind that a person may exhibit both grandiose and vulnerable traits, to one degree or another.
Grandiose
- Are they attracted to social roles that bring status or influence?
- Do they pursue and enjoy attention from others?
- Do they act out if their authority is challenged or if they aren’t receiving enough attention?
Vulnerable
- Is the person most comfortable with individual or small group interactions?
- Do they react negatively if they don’t receive enough attention or regard?
- Do they resort to emotional or physical withdrawal to punish or gain control?
- Do they make statements that suggest they feel shortchanged or disrespected?