Most narcissists promote themselves in socially acceptable ways, by seeking status at work, playing the ideal parent, and so on. As a result, they’re often able to fulfil their need for validation without revealing too much raw self-interest.
Such individuals may seem to have positive qualities, like dedication or a strong moral compass. In reality, they’re putting on a show. They’re playing to an audience, finding comfort and security in winning people over.
This kind of self-promotion can easily slip into a desire for control, which offers the narcissist plain evidence of their importance. The effort to gain control may be overt, as is the case with criminal abuse. However, the manipulation is often more subtle, carried out through small digs or blame-shifting, which enable the narcissist to gain the upper hand quietly.
Some forms of manipulation may look like genuine interest or care, if the narcissist is trying to cultivate trust or affection.
There are four basic types of manipulation:
- Coercion,
- Gaslighting,
- Trust-building, and
- Withdrawal.
We’ll take a close look at each one in the following sections.